September 9. “If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.” (Cavett Robert)

The other day I reminded myself that I made a commitment to make every day matter. It was part of another post I was writing, and I didn’t really think I needed the reminder, but subconsciously maybe I did.

This past weekend my wife and I worked on a home improvement project. Our bedroom has traditionally always come last among the rooms in the house to receive attention. We have always prioritized the kids’ rooms, bathroom, kitchen, living room and family room ahead of our own. From things as simple as cleaning ours last, to not painting, we just always made other projects a higher priority. Finally we are tackling the job and making a lot of changes.

While I may be very good at many things in life, home improvement projects aren’t on the list. I struggle with them. I have never been particularly handy at things, and many of the mini-projects within the overall scope of the remodeling are things where I just have no experience. The sad truth is that I get frustrated very easily with it all, and then anger rises up.

I wrote in my health blog on Sunday night that I make up for my lack of patience with tenacity, and that is largely true. I don’t give up when things are difficult, and remain tenaciously engaged until I get the job done. The problem is that I am usually not alone in the house when these frustrating times occur.

This past weekend sadly included multiple arguments and shouting matches with my wife. Both Saturday and Sunday included times I wish I had handled differently. I let my frustration with my own perceived inadequacy creep in and ruin for us what should have been two days of high fives at getting things done, and instead turned them into tense, and even ugly times, and all of that is squarely on me.

Today’s quote reminds me that there aren’t days worth missing. It’s a semi-humorous way to remind us all that at least one of the alternatives to having a bad day is not having one at all. But for me it is about reminding me that I can’t let my own petty emotions get in the way of another person’s day. My wife is a saint, and she would likely say that she’s forgotten the arguments of the weekend, and is focused only on the accomplishment. The truth is that we got a lot done, some of which I had never done before, and managed to do successfully. I believe her when she says it is forgiven and forgotten for her, but I have not forgotten.

I have been very focused on affirming myself in the month of September as part of my journey toward better health. And I am as committed to that today as I was on the first. But I am also a realist. I cannot just pat myself on the back every day, lauding my own best characteristics, and ignore that there are faults as well. I am not about to start a series of posts on the de-affirmation of Bobby-C, but I am going to continue to reflect on where I can be better.

This morning my reflection is on a bit of my own hypocrisy. I cannot sit here and write about not wasting days, and about affirming my strengths, while at the same time displaying my faults and ruining another person’s day. That is hypocritical. I cannot “make up” for the weekend. I can’t give my wife back those two days. I can only rededicate myself to making sure that I stay true to myself, and to her going forward. I can resolve to make sure that not only are my days un-wasted, but that hers are as well.